To be honest it hasn't been an amazing week, plenty of highs but a few lows as well. I swim is almost upon me and it feels real now; a real scary thought. Everyone I speak to believes I can do it but I am having trouble believing in myself. Self belief has always been a problem for me so I guess it is just part of the journey.
Sunday was just an hours swim with Howard which was good fun and hard work. I love training with him because I really have to work and it's a lot more interesting than training by myself. Monday I was back in the pool for the first time which was interesting. I was standing on poolside thinking can I actually still dive and tumble turn? Whats the I.M order again? Luckily this wasn't needed as my main set was 1600m, 800m, 2x400m, 4x200m, all in freestyle which I quite enjoyed. Tuesday was a hard day, I was tired, had a lot of work and many people were asking me about the swim. I don't want anyone to take that last comment the wrong way, I am extremely blessed to have so many people interested in my swim and very grateful for all the support but I wasn't feeling great about it on Tuesday so it was hard to talk about.
Wednesday was morning training during which I got a bit frustrated. It wasn't really my set but I did it, okay, I missed some of the kick but I did want to get out before midday. Kingsdown where it was a very low tide which made things amusing. A hard hour with Howard followed by ten minutes trying to get into shore by skulling on our backs so our feet didn't get cut by the rocks below. Very amusing for dad and Charlie.
Thursday was morning training again, main set of 15x200 and 4x300 which was okay but this was really when I week started to go downhill. Didn't have a good day at school and was tired from morning training which allowed the dark thoughts to enter my head and self doubt to creep in. Stayed like this through Friday and this morning when I finally let my emotions get the better of me and had a bit of a cry. I know, I'm a wimp. Thought I felt better but once in the water it started to get rough and I wasn't feeling good. Charlie cut my set a little short and I got quite angry with myself. Spoke to other people in there who all seem to confident about their swims. I know that I am physically very strong but looking back I think my injury knocked me a bit because I felt great before then. I just have to get my head down now, in a couple of weeks it'll be over and I don't want it all to be for nothing.
More soon,
Abby x
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